A quick glance at my blog roll reminds me that I’ve been giving in to perfectionism. In the last month I’ve just about worn my keyboard out, but fear has kept me from hitting the publish button even once – and I started this blog with an essay about just that very idea: freezing from fear that this blog won’t be perfect.

All of my essays are blogs, but all my blogs aren’t essays – that’s part of my solution. I’m allowing myself to “just blog” at times. And those blogs are pretty much just me talking…with a keyboard. In that spirit, today I’m just talking. Today, for fear that my small, but growing audience will think I’ve flown the coop, I’m just blogging. Speaking of which…

Podcast.

Yep, I’m working on it. I do think I’ll be adding a podcast to my website and for some bizarre reason that does not scare me AT ALL. Would I record myself with no time to think about what I’m going to say next? Spontaneously announce to an unseen audience words as they come to me? Resoundingly yes.

I don’t understand it either. Both the written and oral are permanently out there. And as my tech and internet savvy friends remind me, you can never take it back. Even if you think you have.

Writing has always seemed like a commitment. When we speak, we so often say, “Well, that’s not exactly what I meant,” or “You know what I mean,” or “I didn’t mean it like that.“

I’ve heard writing called a labor. I’ve heard it called solitary. I’ve heard it called thinking.

And the truth is, I’ve often been confused about my thoughts and feelings until I made the commitment to write it down, to write about it. When we write we decide what we think, what we feel. It’s difficulty is therapy, I suppose.

I was in grade school the first time I wrote down a feeling. By junior high school I was chronically my life. If I hadn’t thrown those journals away I’d have a valuable record that my family would love and hate. Quotes, details, the ins and outs of family events both good and bad.

I do value my readers’ time though and I’m working on materials that I believe may help, entertain or perhaps enhance someone’s day. I’m here researching, calling, testing, writing.

But here on Saint Patrick’s Day this is me just saying, “I’m still here.” I hope you will be.